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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22517377">Steamed Hams</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jevil_Joss/pseuds/Jevil_Joss'>Jevil_Joss</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>RWBY</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>But Its RWBY, Comedy, Modern AU, Older Ruby and Weiss, Steamed Hams Meme, i guess</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 10:40:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>745</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22517377</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jevil_Joss/pseuds/Jevil_Joss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Weiss heads over to Ruby's house for lunch.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Steamed Hams</h2></a>
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    <p>Ruby opened the door to her house. "Well, Ruby, I made it," Weiss replied. "Despite your directions."</p><p>"Ah! Weiss! Pleasure to see you!" Ruby said quickly. "Ready for an unforgettable luncheon?"</p><p>"I'm sure it will be unforgettable," Weiss muttered, taking a seat at the table and setting a thing of wine down on the table. </p><p>"I'll just go check on the food," Ruby said, walking into the kitchen. She put on her apron, then opened the oven. Which was when a massive cloud of black smoke spewed from the oven. "My roast is ruined!" Ruby cried in dismay, seeing the burnt hunk of meat had actually caught fire. She closed the oven, worry overcoming her. "Oh no! What do I do now?" She looked out the window, thinking. "What if...I instead just gave her fast food from Junior's and told her it was my own cooking?" She chuckled. "Oh, Ruby. I should start a criminal organization, cause I am a delightfully devilish woman." She threw off the apron and threw open the window. Cracking her knuckles, she stretched out one leg and set it in the windowsill. </p><p>Which was when Weiss stepped into the room. "I heard shouting. Is everything o--" She stopped. Ruby stopped. There was a long moment of silence. </p><p>"Oh! I'm, just, uh, doing aerobics! On my window! It's completely normal!" Ruby laughed, stretching. "Care to join me?"</p><p>"Why is smoke pouring from your oven?" Weiss said in a deadpan tone, giving Ruby a look showing how tired she was. </p><p>"Oh, it's not smoke! It's steam! From my, uh, steamed clams! You want steamed clams for lunch? Mm-hmm."</p><p>"Right," Weiss said slowly. She slowly backed out of the room, closing the door behind her. </p><p>"Whew, that was close," Ruby said. She wiped her brow, then, fast as she could, she ran over to Junior's, bought a dozen hamburgers, and rushed back into her home through the window, ignoring the copious amounts of smoke pouring from the oven. She set the burgers onto a pan,, put her apron back on, and carried the burgers into the room. "Ready for some good ol' hamburgers?" she said. </p><p>"I thought we were having steamed clams," Weiss said, raising an eyebrow. </p><p>"Oh, no! I said...steamed hams! Yes! That's what I call hamburgers!"</p><p>"You call them steamed hams," Weiss said flatly. </p><p>Ruby put one on a plate for her. "Yes, yes, it's a regional dialect."</p><p>"Really? From where?"</p><p>Sweating, Ruby said, "Mantle."</p><p>"Really? Mantle? Cause I'm from Atlas, and I've never heard anyone say steamed hams."</p><p>"Of course not, it's from Patch," Ruby said quickly. She bit into one of the burgers, savoring the taste. </p><p>"You know, these look a lot like the burgers from Junior's," Weiss said, peeling the bun off of hers and looking at the inside. </p><p>"Oh, no, no, it's an old family recipe," Ruby said, waving off the comment. </p><p>"For...'steamed hams'." Weiss gave big air quotes. </p><p>Ruby nodded. </p><p>"And yet I do in fact see that you are calling them 'steamed hams' despite the fact that they are, in fact, very obviously grilled," Weiss stated matter-of-factly. </p><p>Sweating profusely, Ruby mumbled something unintelligible. "Excuse me a minute," she said, rising and walking into the kitchen. After a minute, she left the kitchen, saying, "Oh, well now, I've certainly had a great time. But don't you have business to get back to? I don't want to keep you here--"</p><p>But Weiss had seen the brilliant orange blaze behind Ruby, in the kitchen. "DEAR BROTHERS, WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE?" she cried, pointing at the fire. </p><p>"Aurora Borealis," Ruby said flatly. </p><p>"Aurora Borealis!" Weiss cried. "At this time of the day, at this time of the year, in this part of the country, localized one hundred percent in your very tiny kitchen."</p><p>Ruby looked from side to side. "Yes."</p><p>There was a long silence. "Can I see it?" Weiss asked. </p><p>"No," Ruby said. </p><p> </p><p>Thirty minutes later, Weiss stepped out of the doorway, saying, "Well, while you certainly are an odd person..." She gave Ruby a smile. "...you steam a good ham, so to speak."</p><p>"Ruby," Yang's voice called from the house. "I think the house is on fire!"</p><p>"No, Yang, it's just the northern lights!" Ruby called back. </p><p>Weiss began walking to her car, but stopped when she heard Yang cry, "HELP!" Seeing Ruby unconcerned and waving, she shrugged and drove off. Immediately, Ruby ran into the house in a burst of rose petals. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I recently watched the Simpsons 'steamed hams' clip on YouTube, and I realized the shear, raw, meme potential of it. So I wrote this thing down, and I honestly don't think anyone's going to read it, so, bonus points to you if you managed to read it.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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